Yesterday will be marked as one of the most shocking days of my 30’s in terms of my most personal autoimmune issues. But before I throw myself out on to the train tracks of social media and allow a train to hit me and impact me more than I’d like, I’m taking the time to research my options and the adjustments I must make to move out of this confused space to one of clarity.
I’ve been carrying on as though life was running it’s course, as it should, with the healthiest mindset I’ve had in quite some time. I don’t like being a victim for pity nor do I desire a false illusion about my health to be painted across Instagram as if all is well and good. They have been phenomenal. This week delivered a hard hit that I had to take a few steps back so I can move forward in a new way.
I’m a stronger believer that our hearts are behind our lungs for a reason, they need to be guarded as they’re fragile organs. Despite the recent friend break-up and unprecedented pain I took personally, professionally, and monetarily was taken advantage of by two trusted women. But like all things that cause us pain, I learned a powerful lesson that greed knows no limits.
My human and business radar (aka, my husband) predicted it from day 1 but I ignored him and I had to tell him that he was right, so we all know I’ll never live that one down.
Physically I’ve taken new steps into my diet, my fitness, my peace of mind, my ulcers… all of it. I was in full remission but my body likes to do interesting things… TBD on that.
I do receive a great amount of love and support from my Good Girls crew and they lift me just as much as my husband, mom, insta-kids, and everyone else that’s close. I’m very blessed in this capacity. I don’t reach out to them as much as I should but it’s typically because I then have to expose the parts of me that aren’t always “tough cookie” worthy.
However, I do believe that I am worthy of love and support regardless. It’s a beautiful thing that turning 36 gave me. I know I deserve the same love I give so I opened that floodgate without predicted anticipation of my new health status.
I also realize that the support that is flooding me today won’t always be there so I wanted to write a blog to myself and anyone that reads it to know it’s okay to be on a struggle bus with your life that’s running on two flat tires, low gasoline, and in standstill traffic.
Anna May Photography
Welcome to the struggle bus express, my dear! You’re going to need to save this and share it with someone you may think is going through a hard time.
(1) You deserve to make yourself a priority. If you don’t, who will?
(2) Whether that means lying in bed all day when you’re off work, do it. If you have the energy to get out of bed to go to the gym or to do a light workout at home, do it. You’re the master of your destiny. Own it!
(3) If you’re eating comfort bites of food you can keep down, eat it.
(4) Feel like crying? Cry. Just follow it with something to make yourself laugh. You need both to get through this.
(5) Reschedule your plans. Your friends will understand and if they don’t ignore them and their unempathetic souls.
(6) Read a book. Hello, escapism and healing! You’re doing all that you can to give yourself the time to breathe and live your life with days where you can do this without guilt.
(7) Put a muzzle on that monster in your brain that keeps telling you negative things about you and your life. Muzzles are meant for control, so control it.
(8) Allow yourself the time to feel like you’re enough. You know you are, and anyone that says anything different needs to hit the road like Jack.
(9) Let your time in one day be enough. Focus on that day as it will never come again. Forget yesterday and tomorrow; today is all that you have thus far.
(10) You’re breathing, right? If not, RIP. But we both know you are if you’re reading this. Acknowledge you’re doing the best you can to cope. You have to know that going forward from wherever you are right now, your struggle is real and you will survive this era; no matter how long or short.
Eventually, it will show you what you’re made of and you’re one tough cookie or one really delicious Macro Bar if you’re avoiding cookies.
Anna May Photography