Who am I?
That’s a loaded question so I’ll start with the basics. I’m 34 going on 60; old souls unite! I’m a hopeful woman with a heart too damn big to keep it tame. I’m also welcoming, loyal, warm, honest and I “throw glitter” whenever I can because I feel wicked guilty about the life I have and I’ll be honest, it makes me feel as though my life positively impacts as many people before I expire.
Here’s the not so great parts:
I work nonstop to prove to people I’m not a typical second, third, or fourth wife … I work. I work extremely hard every single day not because I have to but because I want to.
I stay up late. Waaay late.
Hate wearing my Invisalign because it makes my lips stick out. I look like a lip injection gone wrong.
I give advice when asked but get annoyed when it’s not taken.
I don’t get paid as much as I deserve because people think I don’t need as much as the average Joe because I married a man that has built himself up from growing up on a farm to being a successful entrepreneur. It’s crazy to think that his career overshadows mine but it does. It’s a good thing I like a challenge because I have one in this arena almost every day of my life.
I overlook catty behavior and sadly don’t have comebacks ready to unload when they’re thrown my way.
I’m always hungry. ALWAYS. Bring me some food :)
I get my feelings hurt when my work, ideas or voice is stolen. My words and ideas come from a true place. When they’re taken from me it makes them lose their authenticity.
I become envious of bio-mom’s because I want to join the club if / when my body permits.
I don’t chase anyone because I’m too tired.
I cry much more about Crohn’s than I ever tell anyone, my husband is included in that equation.
I have to erase people when they leave my life by their choice because I can’t keep them in my mind or heart. It simply hurts too deep to have their name or face appear in my life or on social media. I also un-friend their friends because I don’t want the reminder of them flashing across my screen. It’s a weakness because it hurts too much for me to handle.
I try to save my friends when they’re sad because I believe they’d do the same for me. While a great majority of them do and feel the same, there are those that turn and bite me. It’s my favorite fantasy; I love believing in friendship so it hurts me to the core when I realize it wasn’t real to the other person.
I’m silent when I get horribly mean messages from women in the social / marketing / media. I don’t post it because it would only make me the same as them. They’re women that have been in the business much longer than I have. Smh. There goes another fantasy of having guidance from women that could teach me so much but instead they view me as competition. Help a sister out! Let’s grab coffee and talk shop to see how we can collaborate. I’m sure there is so much common ground. The list is endless on the things you can teach me and I can teach you.
I let the mean things people say, that aren’t invited nor asked, fog my mind when I should focus on people that say nice and kind things instead. It tears me apart. I don’t talk about anyone’s looks, profession, nor any visual aspect. I’m in love with people that say nice things and do kind things to help others.
Those are the things that make me weak.
So where’s the good in my life? It can be found in the following strengths:
Another great aspect of my life is that I’ve somehow managed to build a great group of women that are friends just because we all want to hang and have fun. There’s no sales pitches or catty chatter of any kind. Love and support bond us together because life gets too damn difficult to not have a village of beautiful souls to support you when you’re weak, cheer for you when you’re succeeding, throw glitter with you to highlight the beauty of it all and it’s done without any hidden motives.
I wrote this post because I think it’s important for my followers to know what makes me tick and how we share common ground even though I’ve never met some of the followers.
I’m sure I’ve left out a few things here and there about me but I believe that’s the beauty of my blog. It’s always growing with the seasons of my life and I find it comforting to share a great deal of my journey because it connects me with others who have common heartache, joy, or any other emotion. None are exclusive to this blog. No one has a monopoly of sadness or happiness. If they think their pain is worse than yours, you must run as fast and far away from someone that has the capacity to belittle anyone.
Of course there are things that I keep to myself that are extremely personal but when / if I know that my commons words can help others, I type them to give them connectivity.
I hope my consistency to be vulnerable and my perseverance to keep going with this blog will keep you coming back.
If this blog isn’t for you, I bid you farewell! However, I do hope to catch you in another season of life where my words will connect with you and / or inspire your journey in this crazy little thing called life.