• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
Bella Portaro Kueber Logo

Bella of Louisville

Live | Love | Louisville

  • Home
  • About
  • Life
    • Create
    • Dwell
    • Wander
  • Love
    • Celebrate
    • Evolve
    • Grow
  • Louisville
    • Culture
    • Humans
    • Food
  • Blog
  • Contact

Vanity

Life | 04.24.17

Tell me what you don’t like about yourself.

Better yet, tell me what you do.

Start small and work your way to the bigger list items.

You may make them visual aspects of your looks or invisible aspects about your character.

In those items, did you find anything that surprises you? Would you be shocked to see if any of them would be a sin? How about the one sin we all carry to a degree? Vanity. Vanity doesn’t mean that we’re the prettiest flower nor does it mean that we’re lowest weed. It simply means that we hold something about our looks to be near and dear or to be a desire we have that we cannot obtain.

Vanity can even be an invisible trait that we hold for our accomplishments that we hang on the wall whether it exist in the form of degrees, certifications, accomplishments, or things we’ve done. Vanity is vanity no matter what we gain excessive pride from.

So me being the person that proudly lifts herself up to be a vulnerable person to connect with others means I gotta walk the talk so here I go walking it … And it’s the “it” I teased on social.

My vanity has been and will always exist with my hair. My hair is my favorite thing about myself. I’ve always loved it. I love the sensation of running my fingers through my hair. I love when my mother plays with it. I love it’s mildly wild flare because it never really does what I want it to but I learned to accept it over time and to just let it be what it is.

I loved it so much that I never even thought what it would be like to lose it. Who would think about that? Who would think about losing something they hold dear until it happens?

Being a 34-year-old woman I didn’t think it would happen to me anytime soon if ever. My mother and father both have great hair so I never thought I’d lose mine. That is until I was diagnosed with Crohn’s right before I got married in December 2015 but even then it was such a fast re-diagnosis from a great doctor that told me I probably wouldn’t lose much.

Losing much means a lot now.

At first I didn’t lose any then bit-by-bit my hair started breaking off and before I knew it, the thick hair I had all of my life wasn’t the hair I knew. The volume ran out and went limp. The thickness went away to the point that I thought about wearing hats. I looked into clip-in extensions, wigs, and finally spoke to my stylist about it and after I tried every treatment under the sun, I decided to get fusion extensions.

I looked at it as a short-term fix till my hair grows back in and I thought it would be much sooner than news that was just told to me.

This past Friday I had a colonoscopy and with it I had a biopsy with the first finding of a lovely polyp that has been growing. Given my history, my doctor said “cancer” and I immediately wanted to cry but I didn’t till I was in the car on the way home.

The biopsy will be back in this week and another scope to follow. I’m not looking forward to the next scope but I can say that I’m ready to figure out a solution to my ongoing health saga. I type that as I grin and roll my eyes at myself. I should probably take my health much more serious but when I do, it takes me to a darker space and I’d rather stay in a brighter one so that’s that.

I can say that I’m excited to start a new drug, pending my insurance approval for Humira and a new round of chemo to go. “Yay, life!” moment, right? It actually is. I could be in a different predicament without healthcare. I could go undiagnosed in a country that cannot provide any form of assistance.

So it is what it is … Yay, life! Now I must return to the vanity, it’s a better read.

Are you wondering if I’m selling you on anything? I’m not. You can get extensions, hats, wigs, or whatever from anywhere. If you want to know what salon I go to, send me a private message on Facebook and I’ll tell you. But one thing I hope you takeaway from this blog post is the realization that vanity isn’t always such a sinful sin. It’s in our core to be proud of one thing we do or have and hopefully you’re grounded enough to have the invisible aspects that you hold dear be a substantially longer list than the visible aspect one.

Even if it isn’t, I won’t judge you for it. It’s not my place nor anyone else’s on earth. So wear your pride with whatever gusto you feel necessary because life is hard.

Sometimes it’s hard to even get out of bed.

Congratulate yourself on it if you’re able to get through life without a battle but know you’re in a great minority so before you judge another person on their struggle or their feelings on loss, I hope you’re willing to hold a magnifying glass to your life for others and tell them what you don’t like about yourself and what you do.

I like my hair. I don’t like my Crohn’s. I accept the season that both exist within. Acceptance is a great thing. I’m still working on it, what about you?

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

I’m a 30-something Louisville dweller and aficionado. As you browse around please note that you’re in the sanctuary of the space I call home where my writing is about life, love, and the city of Louisville. I’m honored to have you here. Thank you for visiting my space.

READ MORE

Let’s Connect

Reader Favorites

  • Calm is a super power! 
  • Life isn’t perfect, but your hair can be.
  • Trendy Topics for Social Media

Footer

✨ 𝓉𝑜𝓅 𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑒 ✨ Compared to ✨ 𝓉𝑜𝓅 𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑒 ✨ Compared to other years, 40 posts in 2020 is scarcity at its finest when compared to other years of me posting almost every day. The time away has allowed me to get through one of the darkest years, so many of us have faced. While I’ve historically turned to my keyboard as a release of hardships, I’ve been unusually reclusive as I’ve focused on a silent health challenge, family, friends, work, and school as a guiding light. ✨ 2020 was a year I never really wanted, but I learned much about myself and tapped on inner strength to push through. ✨ Therefore I must be grateful for the lessons I’ve learned. 🙏 2021, please be kind. The world and I need it. #thankunext #surviveandthrive #ciao2020 #topnine
✨ 𝓂𝓎 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓁𝒹 ✨ “I can't h ✨ 𝓂𝓎 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓁𝒹 ✨ “I can't hide. How I feel about you inside. I'd give everything up. If I could just have you, be mine. Be mine, baby.” 🎶 𝓂𝑔𝓀 💛 𝑜𝓃𝓁𝓎 62 𝒹𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒻𝒾𝒻𝓉𝒽 𝒶𝓃𝓃𝒾𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓈𝒶𝓇𝓎 🥰 #foreveryours #mcmeveryday #herecomethekuebers #lovewins
🔥 𝓈𝓉𝓇𝑒𝓃𝑔𝓉𝒽 𝒾𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝑒 𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝒶𝒹𝓃𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝓌𝑒 𝓈𝓊𝓇𝓋𝒾𝓋𝑒. 🔥 #fanyourownflame #putyourheaddownandwork #mentalfitness #bethelight
• 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓈 • Today I choose to show up as the best “me” I can be, much like how the ocean shows us how to be. ☀️ The empowered me that battles my autoimmune diseases with radical approaches to heal all within me. 💪 The confident me. The me that handles both anything and everything the world tosses at me. 🌎 The me that faces the world with eyes of possibility, creativity, and solution. 🤩 The me with a heart full of hope and a head full of beautiful dreams. 🥰 The me that floods others with kindness and love. 🌊 The me that knows my strength is my best asset because it paves the way for all of my dreams, much like a powerful currant like the waters can be. 💛 The me that knows it will be okay. Because this life is much like water, it never stays the same as it ebbs and flows. It’s a mystical cycle that reminds us how small we are compared to the big picture of this journey called life. 🤗 How refreshing is that ocean breeze. • 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇𝑒𝒹 • #writersofinstagram #wanderer #transformationtuesday #bellaoflouisville ✨
{ 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝒾𝓇𝓉𝒽𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝒸𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀-𝒾𝓃 } It’s my birthday week, and while there is so much happening in our world that impacts each of us in a multitude of ways, there is still so much I’m grateful for. • I have a loving husband, kids, mom, extended family, and my fur babies. • I’m in remission with my autoimmune diseases. While I still have bad days, the good ones overshadow them. • I’m growing my career with education to continue chasing my dreams. • I have a loving roof over my head, cozy clothes on my back, and inner peace about things I cannot control. • It might not sound like much, but for me, life has given me more than I’ve ever prayed for. • I’ve “socially distanced” myself IRL and digitally with COVID to focus on family and my faith. I’m re-emerging into the world with a renewed sense of contentment and optimism. I’m ready to shed the 37-year-old shell to joyfully leap into 38 with all the hope I can muster. ✨ Cheers to this wild journey we call life! 🥃 #anotheryearwiser #cheers #celebrateeveryday
✨ 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝑒𝓈 𝑜𝓃 ✨ ✨ 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝑒𝓈 𝑜𝓃 ✨ I get by with a little help from my friends and mother nature. ☀️ #thankfulgratefulblessed to find solace and lots of laughter with great friends to push me through this week. 💛 #lifeiswhatyoumakeit #peacefulmindset #naturegram
Happy birthday, Ra-Ra! ✨ I felt the need to writ Happy birthday, Ra-Ra! ✨ I felt the need to write a strong caption, but how can I describe you or our friendship in a caption? I can’t. So much comes into my mind when I think of the growth we've both shared, witnessed, and supported. The world may keep us distanced, but you are in my mind and heart every day. LOVES YOU! 🎂🥂✨ #shewild #shefine #hurras
✨ 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓁𝓁𝑒𝓃𝑔𝑒 𝒶𝒸𝒸𝑒𝓅𝓉𝑒𝒹 ✨ Thank you, @whitneyharding_ for the kind reminder of the strength I have within me to persevere through the next few weeks of treatments. 💛 This challenge couldn’t have come at a better time. Thank you. I miss you and love you so! ✨ #challengeaccepted #autoimmunewarrior #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen
This error message is only visible to WordPress admins

Error: API requests are being delayed for this account. New posts will not be retrieved.

Log in as an administrator and view the Instagram Feed settings page for more details.

© 2021 Bella of Louisville. Designed + Developed by Jelly Design Studio.