As a member of Givers Anonymous I think it’s a topic that I don’t post about quite enough nor write / talk about it to others because it’s a topic that begins to feel much like complaining when it’s any form of resistance to the takers.
Takers tend to frown upon anyone that doesn’t give-in to their gluttonous behaviors that drive them well below the surface. It’s not even that they’re wrong, it’s actually the life they believe is right because no giver ever raised their voice to tell them that the things that are requested surpass any belief or energy that the giver needs to hang onto.
The idea of saying “no” to a taker is complex and difficult to a giver. The taker even begins to feel animosity to the giver because it’s a form of betrayal. Not in a “Dynasty” trying to ruin your life way but with the behavior that the person is indeed ruining their needs because they need that giver to give till they’ve used them up and then they’ll drop them. It’s betrayal since the giver is changing the dynamics of their relationship and saying that if the boundaries are crossed they’ll be the one ending the relationship.
The takers have a huge whole in their heart and mind that’s why they fill it with the energy of others. So when the filling is pulled back to where it belongs, the takers lash out. When they do the giver must resist saving them. The pain that the taker feels is temporary because they’ll easily find someone else to fill that void. However, if you believe in miracles, it’s possible that the taker will grow.
Both, the giver and the taker, are codependent people. They need one another but if the giver is willing to pull away to save their own peace of mind than there is a fighting chance for both people to grow past the learned behaviors.
Here are a few tips to build healthy boundaries for givers:
1) If you give more than you receive, you must stop giving.
2) Tell the taker what you will and will not accept.
3) Set your goals and live to fulfill them.
4) Release the responsibility you feel to put others first.
5) Know who you are and build yourself confidence.
6) Search for activities that give you joy and do them.
7) Forgiveness is mandatory, forgetting is not.
Draw your boundaries to keep yourself safe but don’t keep everyone outside. There are other givers around just like you. You just have to broaden your scope of awareness to find out who this people are. You also have to develop the ability to see a taker even if they’re wearing the camouflage of a giver.
Doing all of this will never take the pain away. Getting taken advantage of never feels good and it will never feel normal but eventually you’ll get to a point where it begins to hurt less and less with time.