My So Called-Life

Today I shared and a lot of other people shared their posts about a fun little party that my husband and I had to celebrate our marriage.

It was the most fun I’ve ever had. I’m not the girl on the dance floor and my husband (oh my Gosh, I have a husband) isn’t a dancing kind of guy either. However, he’s gotten more into it with me over the last few years. My dress is a mess today but the memories on the dance floor with so many people I love will be with me till the day I die. It was phenomenal and my heart soars just thinking about it.

As you can see, I share my life online. I don’t always share the very sad parts nor the very boring parts because who would want to read that? I don’t even want to read it and it’s happening in my life. Regardless as to what is happening around me or to me, I tried to take the most positive outlook no matter what. Because if I don’t it takes me to a dark place and who wants to be depressed? I battled it when I was younger and never want it back in my life so I choose to expload with glitter, kittens, puppies, sunshine, and such.

This doesn’t mean I’m a ray of sunshine 24/7 but about 90% of the time I am, I’m human.

Today I posted about going to the hospital with my husband. Today is the first official day we are married we got married last night, so today was technically the first day, in my opinion.

My doctor wanted me to go to the hospital yesterday for treatment. I told him he was 12 kinds of crazy if he thought that I would actually go on my wedding day and sit in the hospital. He laughed and agreed to letting me go today instead.

I’m a really good stick; my veins are visible and nurses never have a hard time giving me meds, taking my blood, putting in IV’s, and whatever else they always do when I’m in the hospital for treatment.

I told my nurse she could pick whichever arm she wanted to stick. She had a hard time with one of my veins in my left arm, because it’s been used so much, she decided to go with my right. 

I’m not great at relaxing and I don’t know how to sit still so my nurses are always kind enough to place my IV around my wrist or in my hand so I can work while I’m there. 

Today of all days it went the way it did. It’s only profound to me because of the symbolism behind it all. 

My nurse had to use my right arm which coincidentally had my gold “Bride” tattoo. My husband sat next to me since it was the day after our wedding and he was being as sweet as he could to be a supportive husband. 

My heart hurt just thinking of my life one year ago when I was hospitalized for treatment, dehydration, blood transfusions, and a series of other moments where I felt completely alone.
The sight of him, my new tattoo, my IV, my hair fixed,  and makeup still on from the wedding (gross, I know) was all too powerful for me. My life feels like it is a gift meant for someone else and I accidentally received it. It’s not glorious nor glamourous. It’s sometimes difficult and overwhelming but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love the people in it way too much to ever leave them. 

I took this picture and posted it because I knew it was Crohn’s and Colitis Awareness week because I’m a social media manager and more specifically because I have Crohn’s Colitis. I want other people to feel like they’re not alone and / or that there are people that can and do support them.

When you’re alone and going through this disease, or any disease, it’s a horrible feeling. I was there, it’s not fun and I didn’t have anyone telling me about the possibility of a better future, I just convinced myself that it would get better and it has. I’m not 100% but I’m better than I was and that’s good enough for me.

This Instagram post wasn’t well received by a woman I know that I naively thought was my friend. 

She said it was me portraying my life as a reality show and that other people with the same disease probably don’t appreciate my post because I’m glamorizing it. 
I must say that it hurt my feelings pretty deep. I’m an emotional person and I believe my posts are real and make me very vulnerable because I want them to be. I want to connect to with people that have my disease so they’ll know they’re not alone. Or if someone knows someone with IBD they may understand the emotional sides of it because they run across my posts or blog and that’s awesome. It doesn’t make me anything glamorous. 

I loved Glamour Shots back in the day but I missed where having IBD and talking about it makes anyone a reality celebrity. Can anyone name the last time they felt comfortable telling strangers that they are throwing up or having diarrhea? It’s not cute nor fun but it’s real. 

Helping people connect and feel less lonely makes me so happy. It’s corny and maybe annoying but it’s my reality. I’m a happy and loving person that loves connecting with people. I’m a social media manager and blogger, connecting online and in-person is amazing. I’m sorry but I’m not sorry for that.

My posts and my blog aren’t bragging posts, nor altered reality. I share what’s going on no matter what. Last year I was a blogger that usually only posted about love because I was heartbroken and was stuck in a mind-set that I’d be single forever. Color me shocked, I’m now married! This year I post about Crohn’s, love, wedding topics, the great city of Louisville, women I love, and whatever else is going on in my life.

I’m flawed. I’m not perfect. I have a disease that isn’t well received socially and I’m okay with it. I’m not glamourous. I’m not a snob. I’m definitely not a reality star. 

I’m a fun-loving person that is in-love with my husband, kids, fur babies, friends, family, sunshine, music, glittery things (thanks, ADHD), hugs, love, and laughter.

If I were ever given a reality show it would be cancelled because I’m in the bathroom too many hours a day. 

If anyone ever wants to know about the not so popular details of Crohn’s they can send me a private message. I won’t bore everyone else with useless shit chat.