“We all know that something is eternal. And it ain’t houses and it ain’t names, and it ain’t earth, and it ain’t even the stars . . . everybody knows in their bones that something is eternal, and that something has to do with human beings. All the greatest people ever lived have been telling us that for five thousand years and yet you’d be surprised how people are always losing hold of it. There’s something way down deep that’s eternal about every human being.” – Thornton Wilder, Our Town
Have you ever realized your life as you live it? Have you stepped back just for self-preservation? Everyone reading this is either thinking I rant too often or that they too have had these aches that pull at your heart and gut when something must be done in order for you to move forward in your pursuit of life, love, and contentment. As an auto-immune fighter, I also add health as a pursuit in life.
The last 30 days I’ve had several realizations as I’m pragmatically planning my next steps with Crohn’s Colitis and now Lupus. • Any sentence that follows that one feels wrong.
My mind is completely engulfed with frustration and is waving it’s white flag for inner peace. Illness means that self-care is priority and I’m completely humbled with the impacts it’s had on my body.
I write all of this and still have this aching sensation that I want to push through, so I am.
I’m being 100% open about my struggle because I know others struggle with things much more difficult than what I do.
I push because the scale of life is try or try not. As Yoda believed, “trying” doesn’t accomplish much… “Do or do not. There is no try.” So I’m going to do my thing and continue sharing because this is connectivity for my invisible illness that desperately attempts to isolate me but I will not let it break my spirit nor heart. My mind has to stay calm and focused. This is just the beginning of a battle, not the end.
I hope to see you all on the other side and continued support throughout this intimidating chapter and the challenges it will bring.
PS – World, you’re so damn beautiful. I hope I get to absorb your beauty to its fullest while I’m here.