Soulmate. The word itself sounds simple, you have a soul so finding it’s mate should be as easy as opening the door and finding them waiting for you on your front porch in a cute package with a bow on the top … Out pops the person of your dreams! Yay, you’ve found them!
Sadly this dreamy thought is the complete opposite of the process for finding them. For some of my friends they met their soulmate in high school or college and had an “American Dream” type of relationship. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, boy asks girl to marry him, girl says yes, then comes wedding, babies, and they are living happily ever after … Granted it’s never really this simple. Every couple has their “things” that have shaped and guided them to their current existence which I hope is a state of bliss. Life isn’t all kittens and sunshine, it should be but it isn’t. I just hope that if you’re not happy in your relationship you have the courage to change your life together to be happy or that you can find bliss down different paths which may not include your current soulmate.
Notice I said “current” above. I believe that we have several soulmates throughout the various chapters of our lives. From siblings, friends, lovers, whatever … They can come into our lives for a lifetime and sometimes it is for a short amount time. We never know when we meet these mates how long they’ll be around but I know from personal experience that when I meet them I can feel it. I’m drawn to these souls. It’s an instant connection or attraction that turns on some part of my heart that I can’t turn off. I’m sure you can relate. Even if you’re in a happy, loving relationship you can have a friend or several friends that connect with you on a completely different level that makes you feel like this / these friend(s) could be a brother or sister that were misplaced at birth and you just found them.
Personally I believe I have several soulmates, I mentally place them in a hierarchy where my fiancé is at the top of this metaphorical pyramid. I have him on the top because I believe making your partner a priority is one of the best ways to ensure they’ll feel appreciated, loved, and much of your time is spent with this soul so you have to nourish the relationship every single day or it will fall apart. The rest of my pyramid is full of friends and family that are all equally important and loved.
Coming to my current state of bliss wasn’t easy and it isn’t easy staying here. As human beings we are challenged every single day in life and there can be very negative influences that TRY to impact you relationship IF you let them. My best advice for this is the same advice on how I try to remain happy and positive … I limit my time around these Negative Nancy’s and I continuously remind myself how blessed I am. I have reminders in my phone that alert me twice a day that I scheduled so I have an alert to be happy. One alarm is at 10:00 am every day, here is the copy of the message: “Peace. Just breathe. Everything will work out just the way it should.” The second alarm is at 2:00 pm and the copy for this alarm is: “Health. Faith. Family. Love.” The meaning behind these words is for me to focus on my health and not get so stressed that it affects it negatively. Faith is my reminder for the Serenity Prayer. The word “Family” makes me work harder, push myself when I feel weak. I like to remind myself of my grandparents that were first generation citizens in the states and worked hard to have good and honest lives. They inspire me even though they’re already in heaven. Last and certainly not least, Love is my reminder to love my life, love myself, and every soul that is in it.
The search for finding your soulmate may not be as difficult as it feels. It’s definitely not a game of hide and seek. They’re probably in your life already and you may have accidentally overlooked them while you’ve been distracted looking for this “perfect match” … There’s no such thing. My fiancé is like missing puzzle piece to my soul. No matter what I do or where I go, I feel complete because he’s in my life. It’s the best feeling on earth. He’s not perfect, but he’s perfect for me.
I compared our relationship to this checklist I found online … It has to be legit if it’s online, right? All jokes aside I think this list is a fair assessment of my thoughts on soulmates.
Here’s my comparison:
- You’ve split up, often unpredictably and unexpectedly. – This happened. It was one of the most difficult experiences of my life. But after a series of events we moved passed the past and got engaged. We’re much stronger and honest with each other for having the experience. I wish it never would have happened but it’s part of our journey as a couple and again, it’s not all kittens and sunshine.
- They’ve changed you for the better. – He has changed me for the better in so many ways.
- You recognize a family member in them. – Read the original blog for details on how not to make this sound creepy. He reminds me of my grandfather, his level of itensity is one of the things that draws me in.
- You may not have “just known” they were the one the moment you saw them, but in retrospect, you realize you did. – In hindsight I can recall the exact second I realized that he was my soulmate. Scary and weird but true.
- Your worst self has come out with them, and to only them. – He’s my best and worst mirror … He shows me everything that makes me great and gently reminds me of what flaws I should work on to be a better me.
- You recognize each other almost as though you’ve known each other before. – The familiarity we share is beyond strange. He feels like home to me, like I’ve known him all of my life.
- Uncanny connections between major dates (such as your births, your meeting, etc.) – This list is endless … Similarities in where we’re from, birthdays, who our family members know that connect, et cetera.
- You’ve had weird, cryptic dreams about each other prior to meeting, even if you couldn’t identify an exact face or person. – Yes, this is true for the both of us.
- Or at least you’ve had an inner, gut knowing that they were coming. – While we were broken up I knew he would come back to me. I gave him space and never reached out to get back together … He returned back to me as I knew he would.
- You met while you were young, and reunited when you were older. – Mentally and spiritually yes. We both had a bit of growing to do.
- You recognize something when you look in their eyes. – Again, it’s like going home. I just feel safe and loved when I look into his eyes.
- You feel what they feel, even if you aren’t naturally empathetic. – When you’re connected and in-tune with your partner this comes naturally.
- It’s more than just a feeling. – It’s a connection that can’t be explained. It’s mental, physical, spiritual … It’s everything.
- You have an intense chemistry unlike you’ve ever experienced. – We love the same things and dislike the same things. We have the same desires and dreams. He’s the missing piece to my puzzle.
- They’re your “home.” – I believe I’ve referenced this several times. My family moved a lot from the time I was 12 years old and individually I did till I was in my twenties. I’ve never had a true building that I called “home” but I feel it when I’m with him. The only “home” I’ve ever known.
- Despite everything, you realize that it could be no other way — the choice has already been made. – When I was single I dated. There were men that I could have dated and possibly married but none of them drew me in like my fiancé does. No one “got me” like he does. And I couldn’t love anyone like I love him. No matter how hard I tried to get over him I just couldn’t. He was always in the corner of my mind and in my heart.